Death List
by Li'l Lawliet
Summary: Various FMA characters find the Death Note! If you don't laugh, I will hunt you down and… and… HURT YOU!
1. Edward Elric

Disclaima (of doom): **I own neither FMA, Death Note, nor the Wizard of Earth Sea. All of which are awesome.**

Edward was hang gliding for no apparent reason, when he noticed a rectangular black spot on the ground far beneath him. 'Well,' he thought OOC-ly, 'can't let a black spot go unspotted!'

He blew up the hang glider and fell into a tree. After untangling himself from the…tree… he ran over to the black… book… thingy. Wow, I'm running out of brain to put words in. Oh, well. The! Important thing was that he ran over to the book! And guess what, he picked it up! GASP. Anyways, he picked it up and glared at it.

"I don't like you." he said.

The book said nothing.

"I don't like you." he repeated.

The book said nothing.

"DAMN YOU BOOK!"

He flipped the book over and read the words on the front.

"Death note, eh? Mwahahahahaha! Now I have power over you! Because the name's the thing." OMFG, ED READ THE WIZARD OF EARTH SEA! I need to read that some time… Hmm… Anyway, he decided he wanted to keep this 'Death note' thingymajigger.

"So… Death note… What do you do?" he asked the book.

"I-" WAIT, BOOKS DON'T TALK! SILENCE MAGICAL TALKING DEATH NOTE!

And then the notebook said nothing. Ed shrugged and flipped open the front cover of the book.

"Congratulations, idiot, you just opened a book," he recited. "HEY! Oh well… 'One, The human whose name is written in this note shall die. Two, This note will not take effect unless the writer has the subject's face in their mind when writing his/her name. Therefore, people sharing the same name will not be affected. Three, if the cause of death is written within 40 seconds of writing the subject's name, it will happen. Four, if the cause of death is not specified, the subject will simply die of a heart attack. Five, after writing the cause of death, the details of the death should be written in the next 6 minutes and 40 seconds.' Hm. Neato!" he grinned. He popped a pen he had for some reason (I mean, come on, he was hang gliding!) and touched it to the paper.

"Colonel… Airhead…" he wrote. But for some unknown reason, Roy didn't die. "Oh well!" he said. He thought for several seconds (I knew it couldn't last) before scribbling another name in the book. "En… vy…" he dictated.

**Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away… Wait, scratch that. Just long, long ago…**

Little blonde Evan Hoenheim was bored. So! Being the incredible person that he –cough- _was_, he wandered into a room where his Daddy was experimenting with stuffs. His Daddy wasn't there at the moment, so he stuck a vial of mercury into his mouth. Yum! I did that once! Anyway, he did just that, and so, little Evan Hoenheim alas, was no more. And, overcome by grief, Hoenheim tried to bring him back to life, and bad stuff happened. It's Ed's fault! HE BROUGHT THIS UPON HIMSELF! And so, Envy was born. Mwahahaha… My sister should thank Ed some time…

**So! Whaddaya think? Will you review, will you? Please? I love Death Note sooo much… But this is going to disobey the rules of the book so much… Mwahaha… Please just review! I welcome flames!**


	2. Flame Response

Emmy, (the Night Sky Alchemist) was checking reviews for her latest story, Mistletoe, which she was quite proud of… And then… She saw one from the Raining Blood Alchemist.

"Ooh, that's a cool name!" she squealed as she clicked on the review.

'hey jew-face your jewness made you misspel alphonse throughout the story' it said.

"WHAT?" Emmy asked the computer, teeth clenched and fists balled, "THIS IS HYPOCRISY! NOT ONLY DID THEY MISSPELL 'MISSPELL,' BUT THEY DIDN'T CAPITALIZE A SINGLE WORD IN THAT SENTENCE! Do they even know I skipped a grade?" she sobbed. "That asshole. I'm hunting him down for this," she swore. Just then, Ed showed up with the Death note.

"Oh, Edo!" she sobbed, getting up from her spinny chair and hugging him. "I just got a flamer. But not an ordinary one! It insulted not just my story, but my religion!"

"While that's bad and everything," he said, "Please get off of me."

"Oh! Sorry," she said, backing away and blushing. "Hey, what's that you got there?" she asked, suddenly not… Miserable…

"It says it's a 'death note.' But I dunno, really. I wrote Envy's name in it, and look!" He pointed out a window, and, sure enough, there was Envy!

"Well…" started Emmy, grabbing the book from his hands and flipping it open to the rules, "Envy's not human. Did it occur to you that you may've been the one who killed him when he _was_?"

"Oh. CRAP!"

"Edo's a murderer, Edo's a murderer!" she sang, dancing around him.

"Ah, who cares. You want the book?"

"OOH, GIMMIE!" she squeaked happily, tearing the notebook from his hands. She picked up a Happy Bunny pencil and scribbled into the book. "With my magical fanfiction-ing powers, I shall find the true name of the Raining Blood Alchemist! MWAHAHAHA!"

And so she did.

**Somewhere Far, Far Away…**

The Raining Blood Alchemist was sitting at their computer, spamming and flaming everyone of an ethnic or religious minority just because they can, when suddenly…

A ROCK fell from their ceiling and crushed them. Everyone rejoiced, and the Raining Blood Alchemist was no more. YAY! EAT _THAT_, RAINING BLOOD! THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU INSULT SOMEONE'S RELIGION! HA!


	3. Alphonse Elric

"Aruuuuuuuu…" Emmy called, banging her head against a desk. Al peeked his head into the room (I _always_ use Movie Al) and stared at the strange scene.

"I'm out of pizza," mumbled the strawberry blonde, who was VERY sugar shocked, "And Red Bull… Will you get me more?"

"Um… I don't think you should have any more," he answered, stepping all the way into the room while carefully avoiding the candy wrappers and issues of Shonen Jump and Muse that littered the floor.

"ARUUUUUUUU…" she said angrily in a perfect imitation of Ed's Japanese voice actor, "GET ME THE DAMN SODA…"

"Eep! No, Emmy. I think you should have some tea or-"

"ARUUUUUUUUUUUUU! GET. ME. THE. SODA!!!" she yelled, pulling her head away from the desk and staring at him with wide eyes that had bags underneath them.

"No!"

"THAT'S IT!" she shouted. She reached into her drawer and pulled out the death note, slamming it down on the desk. She pulled out her pencil and was about to scrape it against the paper, when Ed jumped in through the window.

"No!" he screamed, snatching the book away from Emmy, who pouted angrily.

"Edoooo…" she whined, standing up to snatch it from him. But, being just slightly too short, she ended up jumping up and down in front of him. "Let me have it! I promise I won't kill your brother!"

"NO."

"_Please_?????"

"NO."

"Damn you, Ed!" she growled. Just then, an evil thought passed through her head. She grinned, and stood on her tiptoes to see eye to eye with Ed. "Hiya!" she said before kissing him.

"Gross!" he shrieked, jumping away from Emmy and dropping the book.

"MWAHAHA! 'TIS MINE NOW!" she exclaimed, picking up the note and holding it high above her head. "Ah, I don't want it anymore. Here ya go," she said, tossing Al the book.

"Eep! What am I supposed to do with this?" he asked.

"Beats me." She answered, returning to her desk to watch FMA videos for Lithium and 10th Man Down.

Al shrugged and walked back into the hallway, reading the rules as he moved. "'The human whose name is written in this note shall die,' eh?"

He sat down at a kitchen table and stared at the death note's open pages. A small smile crept across his face. He pulled out a pencil and lightly touched it to the paper. With an insane grin and maniacal laughter, he scribbled five pages worth of people's names. "That'll show them," he whispered.

FORTY SECONDS LATER

"We interrupt this episode of Fullmetal Alchemist to bring you tragic news! One tenth of Cat Haters United has died of heart attacks all at once!" a brunette news reporter shouted into a microphone.

"I WANT MY SHOW!" yelled Emmy at the television.

"What could have caused this?" the reporter asked the audience, flailing her yellow suit's sleeves. "These people had no records of heart problems, so-"

"I'm bored," said Emmy, turning off the TV. "Wanna eat Floam?"

"What?" asked Ed.

"Never mind. We'll eat Play-Dough instead."

"Why do I hang out with you?"

"I kidnapped you. Would you prefer Sculpey?"

"No no no, this isn't the one where you kidnap me. That's _Kidnapping_. This is _Death List_."

"Sculpey it is then!"

"I'm leaving."

"You forgot your Sculpey!"

"I haven't left yet!"

"Oh." She said, blinking. "Hey, where'd Al go?"

**Just to confirm your beliefs, my sister and I are gonna make Al evil in this one. Because beneath that cuddly exterior… A **_**monster **_**lives. :::Queue evil laughter:::**

**Review!**


End file.
